I experienced my first encounter with empathy when I was in my 20s and working with children in residential child care. The pain they shared with me was beyond anything my education or life experience could handle. My subsequent experiences through my long career convinced me that empathy was granted to me from a deeper source/God. I believe that it is deeply ingrained in the universe as a form of love.
That’s a beautiful reflection, Susan. It’s amazing how stepping into someone else’s pain can reveal something deeper. Sounds like your work has been a sacred space for that kind of grace.
I spend a good amount of time with homeless people near my home. It has been a blessing for me.
We have begun criminalizing the homeless, blaming the victim, as if they are solely responsible for their poverty and isolation.
Something I recently wrote:
The Power of Words
“Sweep” has become an ordinary word to describe one of the most common encounters between the homeless and the public.
We sweep trash and garbage. The dehumanization that is created by this single word is devastating.
What it means, to be a “human being” has been lost and sacrificed.
The consequences of this, in history and these present moments, can create irreparable harm and trauma.
Contributing to both mental illness and drug addiction.
We extend our compassion and support to victims of the Camp and Park fires, who have lost “everything” while at the same time we intentionally create this same devastation daily and repeatedly for the homeless.
For the homeless, we have become the fire 🔥!
Too often without remorse or compassion.
What is judged to be “legal” does not equate to what is moral and ethical.
Homelessness will go on until solutions originate from ethical and moral imperatives. There are no legal solutions that will work separate from ethical and moral values.
“When we deny the humanity of others, our own humanity begins to erode, until we lose what it means to be human… compassion.”
Michael, this is powerful. The language we use shapes how we see people, and when we reduce human lives to something to be "swept away," we justify cruelty. Your words are a needed reminder that morality and legality are not the same—and that true justice begins with recognizing each other's full humanity.
I so appreciate your sharing with your story and loving words. It is not of the loving universe to believe that homeless means anything other than one currently has no home.--at the current time. I wish I had an answer to solve this current state of poverty. Until we treat all our fellow humans with respect, thank you for your work.
I believe that empathy is a gift of the spirit. I’m not sure into which one it would fall - but certainly it must fall not any one of them that has involved mercy. At the heart of mercy is empathy. Romans12:8 and the gift of mercy?
Empathy fuels mercy much like faith fuels the gift of healing. You can’t have one without the other.
Those who would say it’s a sin, also don’t recognize we still have a choice about how to operationalize the impact of empathy on real world situations. For example, we can feel tremendous sorrow for the lost potential of a person’s life and understand why they made a decision that would derail their life, but that is not mutually exclusive to holding them accountable to the sin that brought them there.
For those of us who are strongly empathic its is equally a gift and a burden. As a nurse it has been a gift so that I can meet people where they’re at and help them move forward. At the same time, the tragedies I’ve seen over my career have always really affected me. And now, I pray for all of them. And after stepping away from the bedside and towards Jesus, I am beginning to really feel peace beyond all understanding.
This is beautifully said. Empathy and mercy are inseparable, and the idea that we can feel deeply for someone while still holding space for accountability is such an important distinction. Your experience as a nurse makes that truth all the more real—bearing witness to suffering is both a gift and a burden, and I love how you’ve framed stepping toward Jesus as a path to peace in the midst of it.
I am a retired nurse, and your words are reflected in my experience. I believe that empathy most certainly fuels healing. Your words are a gift to me today.
I'm a psychotherapist, and can say that psychotherapy tends to get empathy all wrong also, but for different reasons. While aping the medical model and hard science, we have focused on technique rather than the magic of interpersonal connection. Authentic connection cannot happen without empathy. However, we flip empathy and compassion. Pity requires nothing of us, and emanates from a perceived position of superiority. Empathy is entering into the emotional world of another in an attempt to truly understand. Compassion proceeds from understanding to the desire and the will to alleviate the suffering of another. Or the cause of the suffering. Oscar Romero said it best: "When I feed the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist".
Susan, this is spot on. So much of what passes for empathy is really just pity, which asks nothing of us. Real empathy pulls us into someone’s world, and real compassion refuses to stop at just feeling bad. That Romero quote sums it up perfectly—when empathy turns into action, it makes people uncomfortable.
This does a great job of explaining the issue of why they see empathy as a sin, and how they distinguish it from compassion. And how wrong it is to label it as sin. I agree, the true sin is hardness of hearts. 🕊️🦋
I do not see a problem with empathy. I think that it helps if you try to think about what you would have done if you were the "other'. Maybe you can then sympathize with the plight of others. However, that still does not mean that you should not take responsibility for your intentional actions. Do not confuse your empathy for someone to allow them to get away with punishing or hurting others, TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.
Elena, I hear you. Empathy doesn’t mean excusing harm or letting people off the hook for their actions. It just means seeing people fully—understanding their pain without losing sight of accountability.
I think where some people get it twisted is assuming that if you feel for someone, you must agree with everything they do. But real empathy doesn’t ignore harm—it actually makes us more willing to confront it in a way that’s just and compassionate, not just reactionary.
Empathy isn't something we have too much of: it is something we desperately need more of on both sides of the aisle. It appalls me to see how many on the right are gleeful at the thought of government workers losing their job. Unfortunately, I can remember those on the left lacking empathy for those in the coal industry and other fossil fuel industries losing their jobs. Perhaps the government has too many workers, and we certainly need to transition from fossil fuels to clean, renewable energy. But the changes needed to correct both problems do have a real human cost.
And regarding LGBTQ+ individuals, I was a homophobic a-hole back in my youth. I had zero compassion, much less empathy, for a group of people I dehumanized as perverts and weirdos. I was so wrong. As I got older and matured, I met some really good people whom happened to be on that spectrum. When I say "good," I mean very loving of neighbors, concern for the needy, willing to help those in need, and in addition, they loved baseball and drank beer. What could be more American than baseball and beer? And they were better people than I was. This humbled me and made me rethink my bigotry. I wish I could go back and take back some of the things I said and did. I hate to think about the pain I caused others. And I know a little bit of people causing others pain because I have been on the receiving end of it.
I cannot stomach the anger and vitriol spewed at the Bishop who dared ask Trump to show mercy to the marginalized. Those giving it don't know the Bible or understand the teachings of Jesus as they should. Not only do I feel empathy for the marginalized, but I feel for those who lack empathy. I was that person once. I hope and pray God changes them like He allowed circumstances to change me and my lousy attitude.
Once again, thank you for a thought-provoking post.
Trey, I really appreciate this. I see a lot of my own journey in what you shared. I grew up in a version of Christianity that taught me to see certain people as “other” and to think I was standing for truth by keeping my distance. But, like you, I met people who forced me to rethink all of it—not through arguments, but through their kindness, their integrity, their humanity.
And yeah, you nailed it: the real problem isn’t too much empathy; it’s not enough.
Thank you Dan, for sharing so much truth with those who really care. I have actually been told that I am a natural Empath, and have always been able to sense spiritual things. I have experienced a fair amount of "correction" over the years, being told that I am acting too sensitive. I follow you as well on medium and I'm happy to have found you on substack!
Thanks, Lauren! I really appreciate that. And I hear you—being deeply empathetic often gets mislabeled as being “too sensitive,” when in reality, it’s a strength (even if it doesn’t always feel that way). The world could use more people who actually feel instead of just react.
Glad to have you here on Substack too! Appreciate you following along. 😊
One of the reasons I left the Christian faith was I couldn't stomach the cruelty. I grieved at the thought of my gay friends and my non-Christian friends suffering eternal conscious torment in the hell arranged for them by a deity who I was told was all-loving and who, being all-powerful, could have treated anyone any way it wanted--but for some reason (His ways are higher than our ways) chose cruelty in the name of justice and accountability and "moral facts" [sic].
Thank you, Dan, for this beautiful, gentle, astute essay on empathy. It is helping me get much-needed clarity intellectually about our current political situation as well as a feeling of being emotionally grounded. Yes, I am an atheist and you are (seems) some sort of a Christian. But time and again, what you write moves me. It helps me. It brings into my field of view such a powerful glittering light, that seems like, I don't even know. Love?
MKM, I really appreciate you sharing this. I get it—the version of Christianity that justifies cruelty in the name of “truth” is one I can’t stomach either. If faith requires shutting off empathy, then something has gone very wrong.
It means a lot to hear that what I write resonates with you, even from a different perspective. If anything I say brings light, love, or even just a moment of clarity, then I’m grateful.
Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to share this.
Not all Christians hate homosexuals. Some of them are fine with it. As far as Jesus goes to my knowledge he never said anything about homosexuality. It was not that he didn't know it existed. It has existed since the beginning of man and all mammals (of which humans are) always have a certain small population (close to 10 percent) of people that are sexually attracted to members of their own sex.
Elena, you’re right—Christianity isn’t monolithic, and not all Christians reject LGBTQ+ people. Unfortunately, many still do, and they often justify it with selective theology. And yeah, Jesus never said a word about homosexuality, which makes it all the more frustrating when people act like it’s a central tenet of the faith.
The fact that same-sex attraction has always existed should be a clue that it’s not some modern moral crisis, but just part of being human.
This is stunning, Dan. I'm so grateful that I stumbled upon this today. Thank you, thank you.
My pleasure, Kendall. I'm glad you got something from it! 😊
I experienced my first encounter with empathy when I was in my 20s and working with children in residential child care. The pain they shared with me was beyond anything my education or life experience could handle. My subsequent experiences through my long career convinced me that empathy was granted to me from a deeper source/God. I believe that it is deeply ingrained in the universe as a form of love.
That’s a beautiful reflection, Susan. It’s amazing how stepping into someone else’s pain can reveal something deeper. Sounds like your work has been a sacred space for that kind of grace.
I spend a good amount of time with homeless people near my home. It has been a blessing for me.
We have begun criminalizing the homeless, blaming the victim, as if they are solely responsible for their poverty and isolation.
Something I recently wrote:
The Power of Words
“Sweep” has become an ordinary word to describe one of the most common encounters between the homeless and the public.
We sweep trash and garbage. The dehumanization that is created by this single word is devastating.
What it means, to be a “human being” has been lost and sacrificed.
The consequences of this, in history and these present moments, can create irreparable harm and trauma.
Contributing to both mental illness and drug addiction.
We extend our compassion and support to victims of the Camp and Park fires, who have lost “everything” while at the same time we intentionally create this same devastation daily and repeatedly for the homeless.
For the homeless, we have become the fire 🔥!
Too often without remorse or compassion.
What is judged to be “legal” does not equate to what is moral and ethical.
Homelessness will go on until solutions originate from ethical and moral imperatives. There are no legal solutions that will work separate from ethical and moral values.
“When we deny the humanity of others, our own humanity begins to erode, until we lose what it means to be human… compassion.”
Michael Tscheu
Michael, this is powerful. The language we use shapes how we see people, and when we reduce human lives to something to be "swept away," we justify cruelty. Your words are a needed reminder that morality and legality are not the same—and that true justice begins with recognizing each other's full humanity.
I so appreciate your sharing with your story and loving words. It is not of the loving universe to believe that homeless means anything other than one currently has no home.--at the current time. I wish I had an answer to solve this current state of poverty. Until we treat all our fellow humans with respect, thank you for your work.
So thankful that you shared this! Grateful
My pleasure, Brad. Glad you got something from it.
I believe that empathy is a gift of the spirit. I’m not sure into which one it would fall - but certainly it must fall not any one of them that has involved mercy. At the heart of mercy is empathy. Romans12:8 and the gift of mercy?
Empathy fuels mercy much like faith fuels the gift of healing. You can’t have one without the other.
Those who would say it’s a sin, also don’t recognize we still have a choice about how to operationalize the impact of empathy on real world situations. For example, we can feel tremendous sorrow for the lost potential of a person’s life and understand why they made a decision that would derail their life, but that is not mutually exclusive to holding them accountable to the sin that brought them there.
For those of us who are strongly empathic its is equally a gift and a burden. As a nurse it has been a gift so that I can meet people where they’re at and help them move forward. At the same time, the tragedies I’ve seen over my career have always really affected me. And now, I pray for all of them. And after stepping away from the bedside and towards Jesus, I am beginning to really feel peace beyond all understanding.
This is beautifully said. Empathy and mercy are inseparable, and the idea that we can feel deeply for someone while still holding space for accountability is such an important distinction. Your experience as a nurse makes that truth all the more real—bearing witness to suffering is both a gift and a burden, and I love how you’ve framed stepping toward Jesus as a path to peace in the midst of it.
Aww! Thank you. I so appreciate that. And I’m glad I could be helpful.
I am a retired nurse, and your words are reflected in my experience. I believe that empathy most certainly fuels healing. Your words are a gift to me today.
I'm a psychotherapist, and can say that psychotherapy tends to get empathy all wrong also, but for different reasons. While aping the medical model and hard science, we have focused on technique rather than the magic of interpersonal connection. Authentic connection cannot happen without empathy. However, we flip empathy and compassion. Pity requires nothing of us, and emanates from a perceived position of superiority. Empathy is entering into the emotional world of another in an attempt to truly understand. Compassion proceeds from understanding to the desire and the will to alleviate the suffering of another. Or the cause of the suffering. Oscar Romero said it best: "When I feed the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why they are poor, they call me a communist".
Susan, this is spot on. So much of what passes for empathy is really just pity, which asks nothing of us. Real empathy pulls us into someone’s world, and real compassion refuses to stop at just feeling bad. That Romero quote sums it up perfectly—when empathy turns into action, it makes people uncomfortable.
This does a great job of explaining the issue of why they see empathy as a sin, and how they distinguish it from compassion. And how wrong it is to label it as sin. I agree, the true sin is hardness of hearts. 🕊️🦋
Thanks Tonya! 😊
I do not see a problem with empathy. I think that it helps if you try to think about what you would have done if you were the "other'. Maybe you can then sympathize with the plight of others. However, that still does not mean that you should not take responsibility for your intentional actions. Do not confuse your empathy for someone to allow them to get away with punishing or hurting others, TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.
Elena, I hear you. Empathy doesn’t mean excusing harm or letting people off the hook for their actions. It just means seeing people fully—understanding their pain without losing sight of accountability.
I think where some people get it twisted is assuming that if you feel for someone, you must agree with everything they do. But real empathy doesn’t ignore harm—it actually makes us more willing to confront it in a way that’s just and compassionate, not just reactionary.
Appreciate your perspective!
Empathy isn't something we have too much of: it is something we desperately need more of on both sides of the aisle. It appalls me to see how many on the right are gleeful at the thought of government workers losing their job. Unfortunately, I can remember those on the left lacking empathy for those in the coal industry and other fossil fuel industries losing their jobs. Perhaps the government has too many workers, and we certainly need to transition from fossil fuels to clean, renewable energy. But the changes needed to correct both problems do have a real human cost.
And regarding LGBTQ+ individuals, I was a homophobic a-hole back in my youth. I had zero compassion, much less empathy, for a group of people I dehumanized as perverts and weirdos. I was so wrong. As I got older and matured, I met some really good people whom happened to be on that spectrum. When I say "good," I mean very loving of neighbors, concern for the needy, willing to help those in need, and in addition, they loved baseball and drank beer. What could be more American than baseball and beer? And they were better people than I was. This humbled me and made me rethink my bigotry. I wish I could go back and take back some of the things I said and did. I hate to think about the pain I caused others. And I know a little bit of people causing others pain because I have been on the receiving end of it.
I cannot stomach the anger and vitriol spewed at the Bishop who dared ask Trump to show mercy to the marginalized. Those giving it don't know the Bible or understand the teachings of Jesus as they should. Not only do I feel empathy for the marginalized, but I feel for those who lack empathy. I was that person once. I hope and pray God changes them like He allowed circumstances to change me and my lousy attitude.
Once again, thank you for a thought-provoking post.
Trey, I really appreciate this. I see a lot of my own journey in what you shared. I grew up in a version of Christianity that taught me to see certain people as “other” and to think I was standing for truth by keeping my distance. But, like you, I met people who forced me to rethink all of it—not through arguments, but through their kindness, their integrity, their humanity.
And yeah, you nailed it: the real problem isn’t too much empathy; it’s not enough.
Thanks 😊
Thank you Dan, for sharing so much truth with those who really care. I have actually been told that I am a natural Empath, and have always been able to sense spiritual things. I have experienced a fair amount of "correction" over the years, being told that I am acting too sensitive. I follow you as well on medium and I'm happy to have found you on substack!
Thanks, Lauren! I really appreciate that. And I hear you—being deeply empathetic often gets mislabeled as being “too sensitive,” when in reality, it’s a strength (even if it doesn’t always feel that way). The world could use more people who actually feel instead of just react.
Glad to have you here on Substack too! Appreciate you following along. 😊
One of the reasons I left the Christian faith was I couldn't stomach the cruelty. I grieved at the thought of my gay friends and my non-Christian friends suffering eternal conscious torment in the hell arranged for them by a deity who I was told was all-loving and who, being all-powerful, could have treated anyone any way it wanted--but for some reason (His ways are higher than our ways) chose cruelty in the name of justice and accountability and "moral facts" [sic].
Thank you, Dan, for this beautiful, gentle, astute essay on empathy. It is helping me get much-needed clarity intellectually about our current political situation as well as a feeling of being emotionally grounded. Yes, I am an atheist and you are (seems) some sort of a Christian. But time and again, what you write moves me. It helps me. It brings into my field of view such a powerful glittering light, that seems like, I don't even know. Love?
MKM, I really appreciate you sharing this. I get it—the version of Christianity that justifies cruelty in the name of “truth” is one I can’t stomach either. If faith requires shutting off empathy, then something has gone very wrong.
It means a lot to hear that what I write resonates with you, even from a different perspective. If anything I say brings light, love, or even just a moment of clarity, then I’m grateful.
Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to share this.
Not all Christians hate homosexuals. Some of them are fine with it. As far as Jesus goes to my knowledge he never said anything about homosexuality. It was not that he didn't know it existed. It has existed since the beginning of man and all mammals (of which humans are) always have a certain small population (close to 10 percent) of people that are sexually attracted to members of their own sex.
Elena, you’re right—Christianity isn’t monolithic, and not all Christians reject LGBTQ+ people. Unfortunately, many still do, and they often justify it with selective theology. And yeah, Jesus never said a word about homosexuality, which makes it all the more frustrating when people act like it’s a central tenet of the faith.
The fact that same-sex attraction has always existed should be a clue that it’s not some modern moral crisis, but just part of being human.
good comment. Thank you for clarifying your position!
Right on, Rev!
Thanks, Jerry 😊